Today is my middle daughter’s 13th birthday! I can’t quite figure out how time has moved so fast or how I’m old enough to have two teenagers under my roof (one of whom will be driving in November).
My daughter has this amazing, calming energy about her. She’s incredibly kind and compassionate but won’t tolerate any BS. If you manage to make her mad, you’d better start running…and keep going! She’s all about Pinterest, mostly so she can share cool ideas with her friends. Do people even say “cool” anymore? I digress.
She’s 13 now, which means she’s allowed to access whatever social media she wants, with my permission of course. And since I live and breathe social media, I know just how scary it can be out there. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the days when my mom only had to worry about whether I was where I said I was. Officially I was at Erica’s house, unofficially, I was dying in the woods from alcohol poisoning. Sorry, Mom!
The reality is, social media isn’t going away anytime soon, so as parents, the best we can do is help our kids navigate it safely. At some point, the only way to get a hold of your kids might be through Snapchat (or something equally mind-boggling to us!).
So, I thought I’d share the social media rules we’ve set in place at home. Here’s what we’re doing to help our kids stay safe online while still having fun:
Private Account – Just because the app says 13+ doesn’t mean she gets the full experience on day one. I prefer to start with Instagram because they have teen accounts, and I can check in more frequently over there. And of course Pinterest.
Have a Conversation – Here’s the deal: I respect her privacy, so I’m not going to demand she just hand me her phone. Instead, we go through her social media accounts together and talk about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Can we post about friends? Sure, but only with their permission. And I always ask, “Hey, are you sure you want this posted?” Thankfully what I did as a stupid teenager isn’t immortalized in tiny squares on the internet but her life will be and she needs to be mindful of that. I also remind her to leave her a/s/l out of it.
Time Limits – Phones aren’t allowed in bedrooms overnight, and screen time is managed, especially on school nights. Because suddenly it’s 2 a.m., and you’re deep into a conspiracy theory about how birds aren’t real. And that’s not good for anybody’s mental health.
Practice What I Preach – Look, this one is hard for me… but if I don’t want her glued to her phone 24/7, I have to be mindful of my own screen time too. It’s a work in progress, okay? But I want her to see that social media can be fun, but it’s not everything.
In our house, we don’t shy away from a topic or conversation just because it might be uncomfortable for us as parents. We want them to talk to us about anything and everything, and that starts with open communication.
And yes, there are times when one of them comes home and shares something that completely shocks us. But that’s why we have “parent debriefs” in the garage—to freak out in private and then have calm, thoughtful conversation afterward.
Social media is here to stay, and it’s something we’ll all have to deal with as parents. But with open communication and some ground rules, we can help our kids navigate it safely.
Happy Parenting,
-Kimberly
P.S. If you need some great resources for teens and social media, I highly recommend you check out The Heartful Parent or Dr. Melanie McNally over on Instagram.
